There's more than one source for that feeling that
you're missing something. If you're comparing your goals to other people's goals, you're
missing the feeling that you're good enough. If that's the case, you'd better try to find
out why you don't have that feeling. We can talk more about that if that's the case.
But if you're looking to see what the other guy is
doing because you can't concentrate on the path you're following, think about the
following:
1 - Either you've picked something that you don't really love and some part of you is
still looking for it, or
2 - You've picked something you do love, but it makes you nervous to do what makes you
truly happy. Many of us don't feel we have the right to be happy, again for a number of
reasons. I won't give them to you until I find out if this seems to be the case with you.
3 - It's also possible that you love many things, and you're trying to do only one. While
you can't do 10 things in the same moment, there are lots of ways to work in every thing
you love. If this is your case, you're a Scanner, not a Diver, and there are lots of
things you can do to make this come out right.
You choose which of those looks right to you, and
I'll give you more to work with.
2. Took your seminar at The
Learning Annex, October 26th and loved it. In the last exercise, where we told each other
our dream and asked for advice, it wasn't productive for me because my dream is a wide
one! I want to be my own boss. If I join a group of like-minded souls who are not
professional coaches...and have to promise to accomplish something each week, I'm afraid
it won't be productive. Any advice?
I'm confused because you say that the other people
in the workshop told you to do what you'd been doing already. That means you needed some
information, but I'm not sure what it was, and obviously they weren't either.
Your wish is clear: You want to be your own boss. What is your obstacle?
3. I think you are wonderful and
have recommended your books to many friends. I own Wishcraft, I Could Do Anything If I
Only Knew What It Was, Live the Life You Love and Dare to Live Your Dream. My problem is I
have a very difficult time concentrating when I am reading and listening to tapes (and not
just your books and tapes). Whenever I am dealing with important information in the form
of a book, tape or lecture, it seems that my mind starts to wander. I can read an entire
page or listen to someone talk and not absorb any of it. I have to go back and review the
information again and again. Needless to say, this is very time-consuming. Consequently, I
get frustrated and give up. (I have no trouble concentrating on TV programs or when I'm
talking to people in person or on the phone so I don't think it's Attention Deficit
Disorder.) I have been dealing with this for years, through high school and university. I
always thought it was because I wasn't interested in what I was studying!
However, there are so many books (especially yours) I WANT to read now and am very
interested in, yet this problem still plagues me. I should also mention that I even have
difficulty reading novels, although email and short magazine articles don't present too
many problems. I also know that it is not a vocabulary or grammatical problem as I have an
excellent understanding of English. Do you have any idea what could be causing this and
what can I do about it?
I look forward to your reply.
P.S. I would appreciate it if you would keep my name and email address confidential.
I've erased your email address, and hope everyone will let me know if they want
me to do the same. I completely appreciate your desire for privacy.
Regarding your letter, you could be describing me! And I *do* have A.D.D. I have no
problem concentrating on TV, movies or people, incidentally. And I always had a terrible
time concentrating on anything written, although I loved to read and to write.
It's possible that you have A.D.D., but maybe not. It's possible that you have dyslexia
(like lots of geniuses do!) which makes reading very hard. And if you're feeling any
anxiety, that makes it even harder to concentrate on reading. So does depression.
I'm not a doctor, but I think you ought to be tested. It's always best to get the physical
side checked out first. I've seen lives turn around when people found out what was really
going on, and were finally able to take steps to fix it.
It isn't fair when we can't use our inborn talents, when they're just sitting there,
waiting for us to bring them out and something like this stops us. I can't tell you what a
difference the diagnosis made to me. Finally I knew what was wrong all these years. And
finally I could do something about it!
Good luck to you,
Barbara
4. I was listening to the radio tonight ( a Toronto
station) and heard a commercial giving a number to call to get more information on your
seminars, books etc. I missed the number, can you e-mail me and give me some details about
what the commercial was about?
By the way, I was at NATCON last January in Ottawa and while listening
to you I found a soul mate.
Thanks
I believe the ad you heard was for an audiocassette series I did called Dare to
Live Your Dream. You can contact the people who sell it (Talk America in Maine, U.S.) at
1-800-451-0180.
NATCON, for the rest of you, is the National Association of Training Career --- uh, oops.
Can't remember the rest. It's a very fine association of career counselors who were kind
enough to have me come do a workshop for them.
5. I live in Chattanooga, TN. Do you have any
information/schedules other than the one on this website regarding seminars in the
Tennessee/Georgia area?
Thank you! Which ones have you read? The bigger ones (I COULD DO
ANYTHING.... and IT'S ONLY TOO LATE IF YOU DON'T START NOW) get lots of publicity, but one
of my favorites (and other people's too) is LIVE THE LIFE YOU LOVE. It's a loveable book,
I must say so myself.
Now, about my workshops in your area, I don't seem to have anything
scheduled south of Williamsburg Virginia! I get invited by companies and colleges and
career-counseling associations and professional conferences to do my Success Team
workshops, and no one in the Tennessee/Georgia area seems to know about me.
I don't know about them either, so if you'd like me to send them a
brochure about how terrific my workshops are, send me some names and addresses and I'll be
happy to wake them up!
6. I have been unable to find your book called
"Teamworks" in the book stores. Is it out of print and do you still recommend
this approach. Just wondering why the team concept isn't going strong?
Thanks for your note. The Team concept is going stronger
than ever! Many people are starting their own teams using my first book
WISHCRAFT, but you
can also start a team using LIVE THE LIFE YOU LOVE. As a matter of fact, I think support
(and structure) are so important that I won't write a book or run a workshop without
teaching you how to do your own.
Also, there are many facilitated teams running in cities around the
country and you can contact them by writing me care of this same "Ask Barbara"
submission.
Just tell us where you are and we'll see if there's a team leader in
your vicinity. If there isn't, and you would like to be a certified leader, contact me
with a mailing address and my assistant will send you information.
Incidentally, that's where the remaining copies of
TEAMWORKS! went.
There's one in each Success Team Training Kit. I don't promote this kit (it's not cheap!)
because I have very few left. I have resisted the impulse to go into large-scale
production because I like the quality of the leadership that has emerged from this slower
pace.
Incidentally, I just got back from doing workshops at IBM and found out
they've been running Success Teams for 2 years! So has Simmons Graduate School of
Management. And many other places I don't even know about. (If you hear of any, let me
know).
7. Dear Barbara, from your book, "I Could Do Anything, If I Only Knew What It Was", you
mention the problems of being afraid to be "born", as a student coming out of school, or training. Have you ever considered writing a book,
specifically dealing with the problems of young adults, who haven't "found themselves" yet?
You're referring to the chapter called "Help! I'm Not Ready to be Born
Yet!" I assume. No, I haven't planned to write a whole book on it. Did the chapter help? Obviously it left out some essentials. Want to give me
an idea what you'd like to see covered?
8. I've ordered many of the self-help, pump-you-up, positive thinking
programs all to no avail. After hearing an ad for your program on the radio, I
listened to your tapes with high hopes. All was going fine, 'till I got to
the goal setting "make a list" part, which is where all the programs seem
to fall short. Once again, I tried it and just couldn't make it work out. Seems I never have been able to identify any real goals. There
are a few skills I'd like to acquire, but that I can identify that that would
stand the effort test. Any hope for this middle aged lost soul?
(By the way, I definitely identify with your "time thief" client.)
Well, I don't know where you found a "make a list" in my tapes, because
I deal almost exclusively with people who don't know what their goals are, and I'm much too tricky to just ask you to make a list of your
goals. I think I asked you to make a list of things that were fun in your childhood, any things you had any pleasant feelings about, from
swimming to playing with your cat.
Then I went on to show you how each of those things could be a marker of
some talent, and could have created a very jolly career in your adult life.
I did that, not because I really expect anyone to be a famous swimmer or
cat petter as an adult, but to get you to respect even the slightest hint of pleasure inside you, because that feeling is always ignored, but
it is the first and most important clue that leads us to your inborn, probably genetic talents and gifts. It's a marker.
We ignore it all the time, trying to find a goal that is at once
enjoyable and realistic, and that's not how to find a passion that's hiding. Every evening I sit with a new client who believes they don't
know what they want, and if they do, they can't have it.
By the time they leave, they almost always have changed their position
completely. That's not because I do positive thinking. I don't. It's not
enough.
It's because I can spot their gifts, what they want to do, and know how
to be practical and strategic about beginning to do it, without risking their present security. It's not nearly as magical as it sounds, but
people make mistaken assumptions they're not even aware of and it takes an outside voice to point them out and correct them.
For example, everyone who loves animals says "I don't want to be a vet."
As if that were the only paying career you can have with animals. I know
a dozen others. And there must be a hundred others that I don't know about. I know people who are administrators for Llama farms, who take
hands-on care of tigers for the San Francisco zoo, who have their own
re-hab farms for injured animals (without owning any land of their own!)
etc.
So listen more carefully to those tapes and go searching for what you
loved as a child. You're in the middle of a very carefully thought-out program and if you stick with it, you won't be sorry.
9. Barbara, is it possible to purchase a video tape of the program done
for public TV in the Denver area?
Thank you
You can contact Rocky Mountain Public Television and I'm sure they'll
tell you how to do it.
Or you can wait until March 10 when I'll be in Denver hosting the show
as a pledge show, and you'll be able to call in and make the night a great success for Denver public television!