1. Dear Barbara,
I just found your site and it is wonderful! I read Wishcraft years ago and
have snatched your other books off the shelf as soon as they came out.
Your insights and ideas are truly a blessing to someone like me who can see
a big picture, but often has trouble visualizing the details necessary make
the picture a reality.
My big dream is to help others determine their purpose or mission in life,
help them set goals to live out that purpose, and support and encourage
them in achieving their goals. I also want to make my services available
to low income individuals, especially women who find themselves suddenly alone as a result of divorce, like I did.
Six years ago when my marriage became a casualty of a male mid-life crisis and I found myself suddenly raising my three school age daughters alone, my big dream (above) became very focused as I worked through my own situation: to give women hope for themselves when they didn’t have any. Once you
have worked through the grief and anger of such a situation and are ready to proceed with your own life, it is often hard to find hope for your own dreams in the day to day problems of paying the rent and raising the kids!
I have recently discovered a new profession called Professional Coaching and a training facility on the internet called Coach University, Inc.
Have you ever heard of this group and is it reputable? (I know this puts you on the spot, but I have never heard of them and you are like my best friend, so I value your opinion.) If you don't feel you can answer this question, do you know where I could find out more about their legitimacy?
I live in a rural area of western Oklahoma and when I read the Q & A in
the Ask Barbara section I felt like I had finally found kindred spirits! I respect the privacy of the individuals writing but I would love to correspond (via email) with some of them who have concerns and goals
similar to mine. (Specifically Apr 99 Question #s 7 and 9.) Is this possible? Perhaps you could forward my email address to them and if they wish to correspond they can contact me.
Barbara, thank you for all the research, ideas and work you have done. You
have been like a guiding star to me and I will always be grateful. If
there is ever anything I can do to assist you here in Oklahoma, please do
not hesitate to let me know.
Sincerely,
Karen N
Dear Karen
What a generous heart you have! I think you'd probably do a great job helping other people who are going through your experience. I never heard of
the Coaching organization you mention, but if anyone reading this has any information, let us know.
But if you should learn to be a coach, how will you get clients? From what I
know of rural areas, it's not easy to operate a private practice there. Don't spend any money until you're sure you can earn it back once you've
completed the course of study.
I suggest you check out state employment or welfare programs, or community
colleges, places that have programs to help the people you want to help, and
see if they'll train and hire you. If there's absolutely nothing, try a church or community center and donate your time until you have the
confidence to go out on your own.
If anyone has a better suggestions, let's hear them. Remember, when you help someone become a helper, you definitely get points in heaven.
2. Dear Barbara,
I have had this "What am I going to do with my life" question on the
forefront of my mind for the past 7 years. This year I turned 30 and have
begun to panic about this lack of direction. I am currently living in
Italy, (where i have been for the past 6 years), work as an administrative
assistant, although I have my master's in Italian, am very interested in
pyschology, but also language and culture. Sometimes i think about
becoming a professor, but don't want to commmit to a 4 year doctorate
program without being sure of the subject. Sometimes I think that my real interest would be a job very similiar to your own, but am not sure how
to involve my love for italian and Italy.
If you want to do what I do, why not run Success Teams for ex-patriots? I
know quite a few people in Italy who love it too much to leave, but can't figure out what they want to do there and they might like a Success Team
very much! Just pick your favorite among my books (most people use Wishcraft
or Live the Life You Love), get a small group together and work your way through the book. I think you'll be very happy with the results.
3. PLEASE!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!
Where can I find a sucess team in Tucson,AZ?
I began to follow my dream with some real success, but I'm now in the midst
of massive self-sabotage! Don't let me die...
No, no, don't give up, Patti! Fax me at 212-662-0452 with a return fax or
regular address and we'll do our best to find you a team!
4. This is a long letter, but generous and inspiring, so I'm posting all of it
for you to see. -- Barbara
Dear Barbara,
I am responding to one of your postings in Febuary. This individual was
interested in acting and wanted to know how they could pursue this while on
the job.
I did this very successfully a couple of years ago. I saw Barbara promote I
Can Do Anything at my local book store and knew right away that I wanted to
pursue something with the theatre, mainly stage managing. I first thought
that I should check out theatre schools, but then I also remembered Barbara
saying that going back to school i often just another form of stalling.
The regional theatre in my area sponsored internships every year, and even
though I do not have a college degree I requested an application. I put my
heart and soul into this baby! The application basically consisted of four
questions and I worked for four months on answering them. I wanted this so
badly. To my thrill I got called in for an interview.
Now mind you, during these four months I also volunteered at a local
community thetare and stage managed my first show. They were looking for
volunteers and to my luck needed a stage manager. Even though I only stage
managed once in high school I told them I had stage manager experience. I
went out and bought some books about stage managing and voila, stumbled
through my first show. I was scared as hell, made mistakes, but for the
first time in my life I felt alive!
I went into the interview for the internship with only one little show
under my belt, a children's show on top of it, and gave it my all.
I didn't get the internship, but I was offered a production assistant job
during my fulltime job's busiest time of the year. But again, I wanted
this so badly that I was not going to let my regular job stop me. I went
into my bosses office and told him the circumstances. I was offered an
opportunity with a theatre doing something I loved and this would require
me to leave the office every day at three.
And the way I approached it was this. I didn't ask my boss "Can I do
this?" I asked "What can I do to make this work for the both of us?" And
we worked it out. I came to work every day until 2:30, the remaining time
was subtracted from my vacation time.
I have stage managed 20 shows since 1995 and acted in 5. Some have been
community some have been professional. But I did it. The way I see it,
Using your real job as a block is another form of an excuse. You can work
this stuff out with your higher ups, if you are valuable to your company.
My boss actually loves when I work on a show, because I am much more
productive at my other job. Theater and the business world are very much
alike and I have learned to use lessons from both fields.
And Barbara is right actors are very bright, very focused and very
committed. An employers dream!
One note of warning: make sure you start small before you make that major
leap. Acting is not what you think it is, especially on a professional
level. It is very hard work and the great ones make it look so easy. So
make sure you know what is involved before you take that big leap. Audition
for a community theater show in your area. Go for the lead. Make sure you
love it as much as you think you do.
After I saw what a professional stage manager's life was like I realized I
didn't want to pursue this on a full time basis.
So I pursued other venues. I have produced, acted and directed and yes, I
still have a real job, but I am a lot happier and have made great friends!
In fact I met my fiancé in a show!
So to end this lengthy testimonial. It is not who you ask, it is how you
ask and by all means ASK ASK ASK. And think about how you will pay the
bills after you audition and get the part, the right answer will come.
Stefanie Petersen
Princeton, NJ
Bravo Stefanie!! First-rate advice. Thank you from all of us!
5. The book, "Self-Esteem Games For Children" was written by a Barbara
Sher, but I noticed it isn't listed in your "Book" section. Is this another
Barbara Sher?
Yes, there is. I've never met her, but she's written a number of books for
children and parents. They accidentally turn up on the tables of conferences
where I'm presenting. There's also a Barbara Sher who's an astrologer. I don't know if she's the same as this one or not.
6. I'm moving right along on the career phase of my life, and find it very
helpful
to return to your book regularly for the information and encouragement I
need. But here's my problem- I was divorced from a longtime marriage six
years ago and have made a wonderful life for myself. But at last I want a
partner to share with and love. I've slowly come to learn who I am and how
to trust and be open. Up to now, I've assumed the right person would come
to me as I went about my life, but it doesn't seem to have happened. I've
made a list of the qualities I have and the ones I look for in a lover. I
have put an ad in the personals, and am thinking about taking classes, but
what else should I do?
Thanks...
Patti
Hi Patti
I know people who meet the best kind of people in the best kind of way: they
volunteer to do some good in the world, and meet other people who want to do
good also. That's the best kind of people. And they meet them not on a date,
but while cooking for people who are homebound, or by building houses for
Habitat for Humanity or gathering data about the wolves in the hills of Italy.
7. Ms. Sher, are there any online Success Teams for readers of your books who
want to be part of a Success Team without attending meetings? I don't need
help or support for anything, but I would enjoy encouraging other people to
go after their dreams; it would also be interesting to read about people's
successes and the obstacles they encountered along the way. Thank you for throwing positive affirmations out the window...everyday in
every way, my life without positive affirmations becomes better and better.
S.
Thanks for your wonderful note, S. I'm laughing out loud as I read it!
Regarding online Success Teams, we're working on it. I hope to soon have a
"list" or a "message board" so we can do exactly that.
And don't forget: Just Say No To Positive Thinking
8. Hi Barbara,
My question is this: I have all the tools, and many reasons why I need
to change my career, I interested in a career in real estate and doing
something where I can help others.... but why am I unable to just "Go For
It"?
Glad you asked this question, because so many people feel the same way. The
reason you're unable to "Go For It" is, in a word, because you don't feel
like it.
There can be a number of reasons for that: you feel unsure of yourself, or
you expect a bad experience when you take the next steps. Or you don't
really love the activity, you just need to make money. Or you're crazy about
the activity but something inside won't let you become happy.
My suggestion? Get a few buddies together or see if there's a Success Team
in your vicinity (by faxing 212-662-0452) and help each other take one step
after another in the direction of each person's goals. You'll find it gets
you into action like nothing else can.
9. Hi Barbara,
I caught the last 10 minutes of your program on PBS last week that was
based on your book "It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now". It looked
like a marvelous program and I would like to purchase the tape without
having to pledge $90.00 to the station. I already contribute to PBS but
can't afford to do so at that level! So my question is where can I
purchase just the tape of the program? I looked on your web site but found
only one audio tape (which I already have!) for sale.
Hi D:
I'm delighted that you liked the PBS Special I did in Denver. They're making
it available to other public tv stations in August, and if their program
people like it as much as you do, I hope it will be showing all over the
U.S. in the fall and winter.
But I can't sell it to you, because I don't own it. PBS Denver paid to
produce it, and it's theirs. But thanks so much for your high praise. If you
want to read the material, it's in my latest book IT'S ONLY TOO LATE IF YOU
DON'T START NOW; HOW TO CREATE YOUR SECOND LIFE AT ANY AGE.
10. Hi Barbara,
I am currently 37 years old, and work as a tractor trailer driver. I have
a college degree in Business Administration, but have no real direction in
my life and what I want to do. I have been at my current job for nearly
two years, and prior to this, I worked for a large company in a
professional position.
Right now, I feel so stuck in my current situation,
and have no idea what I should be doing for a living. I feel like life is
passing me by at times, because I know that I have unique talents, but lack
the direction and self confidence to do anything. I feel paralyzed in this
situation. I also feel that social skills are critical for success, and
I have a very difficult time in dealing with crowds, etc. My question is
what should I begin to do in order to move from where I am now to a place
of direction and power for my own life.
Thank you very much.
Doug
Hi Doug
What jumps out at me is a sense of isolation. Like so many people, you're
trying to solve a problem alone that requires that you be part of a network.
You should take a class at a local college, get a personal career coach, or
join some kind of reputable self-help program (I hear great things about
Al-Anon!). Or you should help someone else: teach literacy skills.
Generosity will give you self-confidence and the focus won't be on you.
Encouraging people who often feel ashamed of their inability to read will
give you one of the most important things self-confident people have: a
sense of responsibility for others.
You say you don't have well-developed social skills, and I think you've
chosen to make yourself a bit too comfortable by avoiding social contacts so
you could get some practice. Remember, almost everybody starts out at
adolescence feeling self-conscious and awkward (and the ones who don't look
that way are usually bluffing). The only way to get past it is to get
involved with people and the easiest way, if you're shy, is to help them
out.
What does all this have to do with your job? A number of things.
First, chances of people helping you find a new job are so much better when
they know and care about you. And when you know how to make it known you
want to explore new career options.
Second, when the loneliness goes away, everything looks different. You may
decide that what you really need isn't a new job, it's a new boss, or a new
town, or a wife and family!
11. Do you know of an excellent coach in the New York City area who
specializes
in helping people with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). Any other info you may have on this condition
would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
LAM
Sorry, I do not. But if anyone else does, please post the name here. A
first-rate coach for ADD could be useful to a lot of people.
12. Hi Barbara
I would love to hear more success stories from people who have read your books. It would be inspiring.
I read your book "Wishcraft" about nine years ago. Needless to say, it
changed my life ( I now live in Ethiopia).
Thanks
Ricki
Wow! How about telling us *your* success story! What was your dream? What are you doing in Ethiopia? What's it like?
13. I presently live in Western Nebraska, a
remote area where we are still waiting for Charlton Heston to deliver the
10 commandments. I have seen several references to "Success
Teams" in responses to queries. First of all, are there any Success
Teams in the Denver, Colorado or Cheyenne, Wyoming area? I am within 200
miles of both these locations. Secondly, what would it take to start a
"Success Team" in my area?
I spoke at a bookstore in Cheyenne a few years ago and hoped a
team would come of it, but I'm not sure it did. And I'm sure there are
teams in Denver. Fax your request (with a return fax number or mailing
address) to 212-662-0452 and we'll see what we can do.
But 200 miles is a long way. I think it's time to start a Success
Team right here. I think we'll start with a listserve or bulletin board,
just to help us swap ideas more easily.
Good luck!
14. In response to Katie's question of "how to research the number of people
who were only married for a few years and then divorced all before the age
of 30," I have a suggestion. Perhaps she can create a web page that
contains a survey. Most email services allow users to create their own web
page for free - and posting a survey form would be fairly simple to create.
Thanks! Good idea!
15. I actually don't have a question, but a
comment on your website. It's quite a disappointment, considering your
books. Not only is it uninspired, it's uninspiring, and the lack of prices
is irritating. I was annoying to have to disconnect, call your 800 number,
wait on hold, all to find out how much your tapes sell for. And what about
the tape set for 'Live the Life You Love?' I can't find it even mentioned
on the website.
Wait a disappointment.
Kristy
Ooops! Sorry about the lack of inspiration -- I guess that's a
matter of temperment. I don't post prices because I don't sell anything.
If you want my books, you have to go to the bookstore or amazon.com, and
I never know what they're charging.
And that's not my 800 number, it belongs to a company in Maine.
I've called them to tell them there have been complaints.
There is no tape set for Live the Life You Love. That was the
original title for Dare to Live Your Dream, but was changed.
16. I attended one of your workshops a few
months ago, and wanted to purchase a video tape. Through inquires, I was
able to locate a tape through the Rocky Mountain Public Broadcasting
Network in Denver, Colorado. I believe the tape cost me about $25.00 (and
well worth it!). I thought I would pass on the information for anyone else
wishing to purchase a video tape.
Regards,
Kathy
Thank you Kathy, I didn't know one could do that. I'll post the information
for anyone else out there who wants it.
17. Not a question, just a comment: thank you for your latest, "It's Only Too
Late...".
It came into my life at just the right time [I just turned 42], and has
helped me make sense of so many things that had me stumped and confused for
years. You also confirmed a few of my own rare insights of recent months
when I felt particularly wise. ;)
I've started making significant changes in my life lately, and your book is
helping me fine-tune them, correct my course, and go farther... which is
exactly what I plan to do!
It's just so gratifying to come across something so specifically aimed at
me just when I needed it. Thanx again!
Thank you, John. I really appreciate you taking the time to write
me this note. As an author, you send your book out into the silence, and
hope it's being read and is really helping. This makes me feel
wonderful. Thanks again.