Barbara's Answers

1.  Barbara, I'm interested in forming a success team with a group of my friends. Are there any public resources where I can get "guidelines" for how a success team should be run. I think I would be good at coordinating a success team group, but would like some direction if no professional consultation is required. I enjoy your books and tapes. Chris Herak

Hi Chris There are two ways to start and run a Success Team. The first is to just do it,using any of my books to give you guidelines. This is fine if you simply want a team for yourself and some friends. If, however, you want to run teams as a facilitated leader, in essence licensed by me so that I can legally send you people, you need to be trained by a Success Teams leader's kit. To get that, call my number and my assistant will explain, send material, etc.

I like to have a facilitated team running in each region of the country so that when people call me to ask if they can find one, I can direct them to someone. And just for anyone reading this, teams don't cost very much, and they don't make anybody rich, but they're pretty amazing. I get delightful letters every day from successful team members, and have for years.

So, Chris, let me know which part of the world you're from and I'll tell you if an opening is available.

2. I've read (and love) all of your books. One roadblock that keeps coming up for me, however, is the "think back to when" syndrome. I haven't had a particularly traumatic or wonderful childhood (that I recall) and have great difficulty "remembering when" each time you suggest it. As those exercises are an important part of the strategies that you suggest, I'm sorta stumped here. Any thoughts?

Lots of people have trouble remembering their childhood -- or they think they do. When I ask them if they had a dog, they remember that they did and also some things they did with the dog. When I ask if their parents were at the dinner table they remember the answer. I sometimes wonder if they think the rest of us remember our childhoods better than we actually do, and are setting some high standard of total recall. Anyway, I usually suggest that they go through some old photos, ask some relatives, and think of some specific categories: which classes or teachers do they remember? (I remember very few, incidentally.) Do they ever remember going for a trip? Did they have a favorite toy or pair of shoes or TV show they liked to watch? Most people come up with the same range of memories, whether they think they remember their childhood or not. The challenge is to be very sensitive to any good feelings you had about anything, and that's where I think some of us have trouble. You can remember having a dog, but did you have fun with it? Does it feel nice at the moment you remember it? Even the slightest good feeling is an important clue to who you are and what you're gifted at. But if you simply can't remember a thing, just move on to the first age that you can, and take it from there. You can find important clues wherever you look!

3. Hopefully this will get in under the wire to help Susan from February's "brainstorming" request.  When I read her letter my mind starting whirring with the possibilities. The most obvious one to me was that she set up a series of workshops, either independently or through someplace like the Learning Annex.  She can give her course a clever, all encompassing name...or not. Martha Stewart didn't need one.  Her courses can cover everything from cooking/baking, getting organized in your home and/or office, decorating to "journaling" (which would bring in her desire to work with writing).  She can design course materials (also a way to incorporate her writing and creativity), and charge an additional fee for those that want the "interactive" workbook to go along with the course(s).  She could do them as one-at-a-time workshops or as a series.  She might also sign on with a local culinary store to give cooking "demos," utilizing the materials from the store. If the store is set up for this type of thing, she could have the demos be a class instead, charging the participants for the supplies they will be using. She should design a follow-along sheet as well to hand out to participant, indicating what ingredients, utensils, etc., they will need.  She could check with the local high school or college to see if they have "guest lecturers" -- and then give her workshop there, handing out a sheet at the end that lets the students know how they can get in touch with her if they'd like to host an in-home class like the one they just participated in.  My .02 worth.  Good things,  Kelly

Thank you Kelly! Great ideas! And still useful. Susan, do you want to follow up by telling us 1) what you like best about each idea and then 2) what obstacles you see to it. Then we can brainstorm your obstacles.

4. Hello again Barbara, Thanks for your response. Iıll try to give you a better idea of where I'm at. Firstly, at 26, I donıt necessarily feel "old" as I do way behind schedule. When I did the ideal day exercise, I saw every aspect of my life in great detail, my house, the furniture, I could even smell the leather in my brand new Mercedes Benz as I drove off to work. Thatıs where it ended. Thatıs where Iım stuck. I saw myself, getting up, taking the dog for a morning walk, making breakfast for my family in a nice big kitchen, getting ready for work and driving off to work in my brand new Benz. Where the heck am I going though? Thatıs where Iım stuck, I canıt figure out what I would do. Iıd like to be my own boss but I have no idea what I would be doing. I like all sorts of things from boating to music to traveling, I canıt for the life of me figure out how I can earn a living doing any of these things.
The things I learned about myself are:
a) I want to live in a warm climate near the ocean. I am Canadian so itıs cold here and the nearest ocean is about 800 miles away.
b) In my ideal day, I am very relaxed and care free. I have a nice big house, a boat, a great family and nothing but time to spend with them. (almost sounds like someone whoıs retired doesn't it?)

There's something about the ages of 25, 26, 27, 28 that I see so often, and it's exactly what you describe: everyone feels way behind schedule. Some people are panicked about it, as if they're in danger of making some irrevocable mistake that they'll regret the rest of their lives. I don't know what the sudden pressure is all about, but some part of it is based on the assumption that something bad happens after you're 30 or 40.
Nothing bad happens. And many of the people I've known who were on track by your age were bored and felt trapped by the time they were 40! And I think you get at least one and probably more great new lives after that!
When I was 20 I remember picking up my first self-help book and saying, "This is great! Iım going to be able to do anything Iıve ever dreamed of doing." Well so much for that. Nothing has happened since then. None of my great dreams came true.
This perspective, again, is interesting from my viewpoint. None of your great dreams came true -- yet. You're talking like something is over.I suggest you read a few years of back issues of Entrepreneur magazine, Inc., Home Office Computing and Success. You'll find people making big money at boating, music and traveling.
But it may not be necessary to make big money. It's also possible to earn a living doing what you love, never get rich, and have a great life. It depends on what you need.
Don't feel so stuck. You're just a plane ride from Hawaii!
If you rank those things, and it turns out that the least important is, say, the house, you'd sound like some people I know who live on their sailboats, sail out half the year and come back to Calif to earn money the rest of the year. (People about 10 years older than you, incidentally. Not retired.)
I want to be able to do what I want when I want.
It might turn out that what you want is to run a business. Don't assume that you'll be trapped.
I also want to be able to provide my family with everything they desire.
That's not good for your family. Let them learn how to get things for themselves. They'll have more pride and self-confidence.

(I hope the rest of you -- if this applies to you -- are listening)

5. Where do you get training to be a success team facilitator ??

Call my office at 212-222-6973 and Andrea will call you back with details.

6. Barbara: Great to find you on the net. I'm one of your licensed Success Team facilitators - located in Brisbane Australia, and I hope you can make that fact known when you set up the Success Team page here. Because of your books "I can do anything" and "Wishcraft" I now also publish a national home-based business magazine here in Australia from my home office. Your books gave me permission to be myself, realize my strengths and to build a business around what I am already gifted at. I didn't have to become a better person first - I just got support and got busy with a plan and a goal. Your work is so valuable to this world!!! Bev Jorgensen.

Bev Jorgensen, great to hear from you! Thanks for the wonderful report. I hope everyone reading will take note!
Anyone who has called my office looking for an Australia team has been referred to you by my assistant, but the web page people should be glad to see your note!
Keep up the good work!

7. Dear Barbara
I will be 50 next month, currently with a large bank. the job is too stressful and demanding and is no fun anymore. we are like used car salespeople not bankers. I can't and don't want to do this job anymore. It is affecting my health, but I do need an income.
I am interested in working at home. I have looked at some work at home ads, but I am afraid of scams. Can you please help me locate a reliable work at home source? I like to work and be creative, I don't like selling things that people don't want or need to just to meet goals.
sincerely,
Linda

Does anyone know of any reputable organization for home employment? It's tricky to put a request like this out there, but hopefully the scam artists aren't reading this page.
In the meantime, take a look at some of the wonderful paperbacks in the local bookstore -- there are quite a few -- on how to start a one-person service business out of your home. They have instructions on how to do all sorts of things, and you might be able to find something you like.
Years ago I had a book called, I think, The Mother Jones book of Home Businesses. It was simply terrific. And some of Jay Levinson's earlier books -- 555 Ways to Earn a Living Without a Job is one title -- are useful for turning your thinking around about what constitutes a good working life. Barbara Winters runs workshops for the Learning Annex and has a book out too. I hear wonderful things about her.
You deserve a better work life. I hope anyone out there with more suggestions will send them in.

8. Dear Ms. Sher:
I enjoy your books and am currently working through "It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now." My question is, how do you reconcile "idealistic" career ambitions with "realistic" factors - age, market conditions, one's emotional fortitude, etc.?

It's a good question, and I hear it a lot. My response to you and anyone else out there with the same question is: give me the specifics and I'll give you the best answer I can.

İ 1999 Barbara Sher